In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
