i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
