Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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