There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
