Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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