OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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