i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
