A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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