Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
