I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
