Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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