So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I can't turn off my feet"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
