In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
