Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
