my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
