Already got asked if we're dating
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
