I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
