I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
