Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
