Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
