Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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