The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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