pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He felt like a one man threesome
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
