All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
