You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
