Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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