Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
