I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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