I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
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He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
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Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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