I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
