I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
