Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
