You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
