sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
