Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have already put on my inside pants.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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