Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
