i was born a porn star she said
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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