keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
