Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
