I have demons in me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
