I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
