May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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