so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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