Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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