my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
