Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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