If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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