I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
