he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
