thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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