my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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