he puts the penis in happiness.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
