dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
