So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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