I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
