I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
