I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i think my cat just said my name.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
