why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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