Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
