Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
