Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
