No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
50% drunk capacity currently
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
