Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I need a beard to bite.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
