That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
