Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
