She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
