I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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