The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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