I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
