that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
