she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
