so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
