He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
