Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
