I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
