she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
