so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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