I hate your face
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
