you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
