I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
