onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
